On the Genesis of Repetition

The universe was born on a Monday.  This is firmly established biblical fact. If God rested on Sunday, the seventh day, he must have begun everything on Monday, the first day.  Of course, nobody pays much attention to this since all the fuss goes to the Sabbath, but it is nevertheless very important, as it means that the whole concept of Monday being the first day of work is divinely instituted. No one knows what kind of a weekend God must have had before that first Monday, but it is relatively safe to surmise that it must have been very boring. 

If the universe began on a Monday, then the first loop also began on a Monday.  Monday was the first time that things started to repeat themselves—when nothing new began to be created.  In other words, Monday was the first time the universe started feeling old.  Monday was the day the cosmos told itself, “That’s it folks, Genesis is over: time to do your thing.”  In short, Monday was the first time in the universe’s history that we began to get into a rut. 

This is probably why suicides are more prevalent on Mondays than on any other day of the week (a phenomenon called “stormy Monday”, and probably the reason why the birth of the universe is called the Big Bang and why Genesis is followed by Exodus).  It is also the day of the week during which more deaths from coronary heart disease occur.  One explanation that comes to mind is that people hate ruts—with an existential vengeance.  But since the rut is divinely instituted, the only way out is: off the planet, Little Prince style.

It seems just a tad unfair, however, for humanity’s collective ire to be aimed at Mondays.  Most people fail to realize that if Jesus was resurrected on a Sunday, then His first day back on the job was a Monday as well.  This means that even after three arduous years of exemplary and ill-paid public service—after which He was literally terminated—all the time off He ever got from this world (and the next) was a single weekend.  So if that’s good enough for our Savior, it’s far, far more than any of us heathen malcontents deserve.

Which still doesn’t alter the fact that I’m writing this on a Monday, and feeling very very sad indeed.


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