On the Trials of Gluttony


Exhaustion is what happens when you wake up at 6:00 am after having gone to bed at 2:00 am because your friends have decided to spend all of Sunday in a remote nature camp in the foothills of Mount Purro in Antipolo with an agreement to spend the day in suitably HEALTHY and WHOLESOME activities such as meditation, swimming and yoga and then thirty minutes into the drive open a giant tub of Chef Tony’s Four Cheese Basil flavored popcorn because popcorn cannot POSSIBLY be unhealthy or unwholesome deriving as it does from corn and anyway people need something to alleviate the discomfort of a journey on roads that are bumpy in patches (at best) and missing altogether (at worst) and don’t they advise anyway to schedule the bulk of your caloric consumption in the morning—and what do you know we don’t eat the whole tub—and then discover upon arrival that a “light” snack has been prepared consisting of enough arroz caldo to feed the denizens of a small planet and although lunch is only an hour or two away it can’t be ALL THAT BAD to eat what is basically a thin rice gruel and don’t they say anyway that rice is the healthiest form of carbohydrate and then realize shortly after consuming three bowls each that practicing yoga is highly inadvisable on a full stomach and between the time needed to digest this meal and the time needed to consume the next one there is probably only just 45 minutes left for yoga—which is a shame and a pity but we must do with what we have—and after assuaging our consciences somewhat with a highly truncated routine, descend for lunch and find that the food stock of a small planet has been slaughtered on our behalf and as the Native American Indians say don’t we honor the dead by eating them and who are we to refuse to honor anything least of all grilled pork and by the time we’re done with all that honoring two thirds of the day has mysteriously disappeared and since yet another “light” snack has to be dispensed with the remaining hours need to be prioritized, and by some strange and miraculous consensus the plans for meditation and swimming are not brought up, which is how we manage to squeeze in some turrón and ginataan before finally descending from the mountain around 5:00 pm in extremely cautious fashion given not just the state of the roads or the absence of lighting but the inexplicable increase in vehicular mass.

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