On the Reluctance to Travel


(GO Somewhere) Does here qualify?

(GO Somewhere) Does here qualify?

I fly out to Singapore next week.

It is, quite possibly, the first time in my life that I’ve ever dreaded traveling—that I’ve ever dreaded leaving home.

And this is Singapore, for crying out loud, a city-state that I did once call home.

But it can’t be helped. I have a child now—the studio—and I…just don’t want to go.

The irony is that I’m leaving for this particular child’s sake. (If this is the heart-wrenching dilemma that overseas contract workers constantly face, my sympathy for them grows a hundred-fold.) You leave for the sake of what you love, yet you can’t bear to leave because of what you love.

If there’s any consolation, it’s that no compulsion remains to explore Singapore’s attractions (though new ones have sprouted since my permanent resident status expired). This means that apart from the hours I need to spend in my Yin Yoga teacher training, I can literally hole up in my friends’ apartment.

Because, yes, I really don’t want to go around the city either. Much of this has to do with the fact that Singapore represents a life and a lifestyle that I chose to leave—but which nevertheless exercise an irresistible allure. (If this is the life-long temptation that people with addictions perpetually battle, my compassion for them expands a hundred-fold.)

The massive amount of resistance this trip is generating is a perfect indication that the time is right for me to go.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s