On the Collisions of Selves


(WALES, Llangollen) If I look hard enough, I'm sure I'll find that bridge. (Photo taken and edited by the author.)

(WALES, Llangollen) If I look hard enough, I’m sure I’ll find that bridge. (Photo taken and edited by the author.)

These days, I find myself colliding more and more frequently with the fragments of old selves.

When my good friend J. asked me to envision 2015, it never occurred to me that 2015 would be an amalgamation of the five years that had preceded it. For the first time in a good long while, it looks as if I’ll finally have the time and the space to indulge in the odd and whimsical proclivities of life before 2012.

I’m excited of course.

But I’m also a little wary.

It’s a bit like having two best friends who’ve never met and introducing them to each other for the first time. (What if they hate each other? What if they don’t get along? What if they make me…choose???)

I’ve never been good at choosing. I’ve always liked having it all. But life after 2012 was all about learning that I can’t have it all. Life after 2012 was about learning to let go of favored bits of self.

Maybe 2015 will be about finding out what I can have, even if I can’t have it all.

We’ll see.

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