On the Pitfalls of Vanity


(FORMIDABLE Tools) Use with ABSOLUTE caution. If you're a klutz like me, at least.

(FORMIDABLE Tools) Use with ABSOLUTE caution. If you’re a klutz like me, at least.

So, because this is the kind of prank the universe likes playing on me, I ended up wearing two shades of eyeliner in yoga class today: brown on the left eye and black on the right eye.

I almost never use makeup and my hands naturally tremor. For these reasons, I’ve always favored felt-tip over brush applicators (the latter are almost impossible for me to control).

As the universe would have it, the only eyeliners Abbey had (because yes, I really don’t own any makeup) used brush applicators that looked as if they required a doctorate in calligraphy to operate. I unscrewed the cap of the black eyelinerand very promptly succeeded in smearing waterproof eyeliner all around my right eye.

My image in the mirror resembled a startled racoon.

And of course, as the universe would have it, I didn’t have any makeup remover. I quickly discovered that rubbing a dampened tissue on waterproof eyeliner only succeeds in spreading the stainand that the only thing that works is scraping the smudge away with your nails. (Until now, the skin under my right eye still feels quite tender.)

Having been traumatized by the black eyeliner’s applicator, I decided to use the brown eyeliner insteadonly to realize minutes later that I hadn’t quite completely removed the black eyeliner from my right eye.

And that was how I taught a media-sponsored private yoga class for bloggers and celebrities with mismatched eye makeup.

Thank God for mood lighting.

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